Purpose is the key to life.
We all believe that we have a certain purpose in life.
That keeps us going.
Without any purpose, there won't be any hope.
Without any hope, there won't be second chances.
For once, I believe in second chances.
I believed it when I got to see my grandfather once more after he passed.
I believed it when my mum sent me here to Singapore.
I believed it when ....
You'll believe what you choose to believe.
Even when there are no hard evidence to back it up.
A believe is so strong, sometimes it could cloud our senses.
And how do we even get serious without any sense?
And there's no sense to life.
You just can't figure it out.
For the better or worse.
We're all senselessly here in this beautiful or messed up world,
With or without a purpose.

I am who I am.
And somehow I can't seem to get you out of my head.
Damnit. Why couldn't I be like anyone else.
Or maybe that's the perks of life.
My perks. My life.

I've watched this religiously everyday numerous times for the past month.
And I never got tired of it.
A perfect mix of amazing song, amazing choreography and amazing dancer.
Tucker has never cease to amaze me.
His quality of movement is so unique, I don't know what not to like.
His conviction. His flow. His strength. His control. His versatility.
He's just inhumanly insane.
I may appear a little crazy and obsessed.
But when someone could dance in flip-flops,
I'm ready to kiss on whatever ground he/she steps on.



Now, who's obsessed again? *huge grins*

Do you always know what you want in life?
Maybe. Maybe not.
The fact is no one could be certain of everything in life.
Being a cynic is all but a choice, an option you could take or not take.
I'm grateful for everything that I have.
I'm also grateful for all the things that I don't have.
Because it allows me to grow continuosly knowing full well that,
I always have something to look forward to.

Dance has been a staple in my life for the past 4 years.
It's so therapeutic that sometimes it hards to explain why.
I may not be able to admit that dance is my passion.
But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if it's said or written or carved in in heart.
All it matters is whenever I dance, I get a certain enjoyment out of it.
Be it sharing what I love to everyone else who loves it too.
Be it laughing at myself for coming up with silly movements.
Be it being frustrated for not being able to catch steps.
Be it being scrutinized for things that I can or can't do.
Be it being laughed at and ridiculed for following my dream.
Be it just dance to let my anger/frustrations off.
There's a certain safety net that I can fall onto whenever I get to dance.
Dance is such a universal thing.
Don't get too entangled in yourself.
To improve. To be better. To 'master' a certain style.
To look like so and so.
Dance is communal. It's supposed to be shared.
To enjoy it with everyone else around you.
Once you get too tangled up with all those,
then how do you get a kick out of it?
And don't bring anyone down who has a different opinion as you are.
And never feel down when people have a different opinion.

Share it. Live it. Dance it.
Dance like how and what your body wants you to.

Betrayed by the people whom he loves most.
Pushed around by the 2 most important person in his life.
Used by the people whom he cares about.
Ostracized by the people who don't get what he's going through.
Blamed himself for being not knowing how to handle the situation.
LIfe's a mystery
Life is bullshit....

But these are merely words.
Formed by the countless thoughts and emotions entangling his mind and heart.
All contained in him, not able to let them pass.
To create appropriate actions accordingly.
There's no need for acceptance.
There's no need for approval.
Those are superficial.
All he seeks is living.
Living a life with no superficiality, concerns, cares, love ......
Living a life of 'boredom', so to speak.

Only if I don't have the mind and the heart to think and feel otherwise.
If only....

Love is such a short and simple word.
But everything else that tag along with it is anything but.

People say love should come from the heart.
But love being a complicated being.
It will tangled up with everything else besides the heart.
And that's when it all gets confusing.
Tangled. Confused.
When you try to find the connection between the heart and the mind.
And of course the body.
Everything else seems redundantly massive.
I don't get how my heart feels so much and my mind thinks so much.
Yet that body part of mine that is fluent in every other aspects of its use could be so extremely useless.
Why can't I godamn speak my mind or my heart or ...?

Love is such a short and simple word.
Yet everything else that tag along with it is anything else but.
Maybe it just have a peculiar way of affecting a life that is so devoid of one.
Or it has finally proven to have been present as of now.
Since it is anything but short and simple.
Love comes with such a great feeling.
And everyone should experience it one way or another.

It's the time of the year when busy is an understatement.
With K.O Night ongoing and TBG drawing nearer and nearer.
Countless rehearsals with on-going classes and schools. It's crazzzzzyyyy!!!!
But never dwell on all the negative things.
In a few more weeks, we'll get to perform on stage for TBG!!
And I get to fly to LA and "tucker" away... Wohoooo!
Super duper excited.
Although I still haven't save up enough yet. But who cares...

And I've got this huge itch to do something crazy to my hair again.
And I know I will.. I just don't know what yet.
Inspiration will come I'm sure. Better be soon though.

Also, I've been having mood swings faster than I talk recently.
And it's quite tiring, scary and depressing actually.
Cos it seems like my moods have a mind of its own.
It's just so hard to pull it back and control.
Maybe I need the mental therapy afterall. Urgh....

Weirdly enough, life's been pretty good.
And oddly enough, I'm more open than I have ever been in my entire life.
Although, I don't quite know why was I ever in the dark for whatever reasons.
But it seems like life works in a mysterious way.
And good things happen when you least expected it.
Am I still a cynic on life? Yes and I think nothing can change that.
But at least it's a constant moving graph rather than a plateau.

Classes been really fun.
I have a bunch of 'crazy' yet extremely talented people in my class.
And it's been a pleasure having them. =)
I learn just as much from them and they actually help me push on.
And explore places that I never thought I would ever have with my dance.
So it's been awesome. =)

Lastly, my mum's been really sweet lately.
She's been sending me tons of encouranging smses.
And this time some of it are actually dance-related.
And I don't say this just because I want them to send me money for my trip. Lol
I genuinely think she's been a lot sweeter and more supportive than usual.
So it's good. Or maybe I'm just an extremely sweet talker.
Which I know I could be when I'm left with no choice. *huge grins*

And that's it for now.
Hopefully, I can update again... Soon! =)

Went for Hei's Open studio class.
Loved it though I don't quite know what exactly I was doing. Lol
But that's not important. Learn, practice and hopefully improve. =P
But kinda miss going for classes with friends and stuffs.
Since that retarted terence was there.
Not only were we crippled and 'defeated' during the warm ups since we can't actually stretch much. Lol
Also made me realize I haven't actually been taking classes with him for god knows how long.
Made me think back of all those NRA classes back in those days.
All the stupid noises and retarted faces we'll pull,
whenever we can't catch any part of the steps.
Fun times.
It's only been a year but it seems like ages since I graduated.
=(

I'm worried. I'm worried that I won't recover fully.
I'm worried that I can't do as much as I used to just because of the fear.
But I don't want to let that affect me.
And I know I will always try my best to not let it affect me.
Still, I'm worried.
But live in the present.
And hopefully, everything will turn out just right for me.
And it has always been. So hopefully my luck won't run out of me.
And since dance has been the only thing that's consistently there for me to make me 'happy' and satisfied. =)

And oh yeah, CONGRATULATIONS to Ryan and Andrea for Baby Travis!!!!!!!
OMG! I can't wait to see him... huahahauahaahhuahua...
A new super dancer has arrived.... Woot Woot! =)